January 31, 2018

I’m currently pregnant with my fifth child, I have twins, I had a child with cancer, I have had a miscarriage, I live many states away from family, and I have had a child who has died. I've read articles on all these events and how each one is more difficult to experience than the other. There may be some valid points to what the author says, but is it a contest to fight for who is the busiest or who is the most exhausted parent?

Parenting is hard no matter what our circumstances are. Pointing out that it’s harder with more or less kids, having multiples, working vs. stay at home moms just puts up a barrier to connect with others. There are so many other issues that are more important and deserve our time to talk and read about than this such as aiding the homeless, giving comfort to the sick and their families, helping the bereaved, etc. For numerous reasons, I hear from others that they are too busy. It’s not that we are too busy. It’s that we are not making whatever it is a priority. I’m not saying that making changes to our priorities is easy. It’s easy to come up with excuses. Taking a hard look at how we spend our time is the difficult part.

When we find a post that we agree with, it is so easy to share with a click of a few buttons. Having our feelings validated is important, but why is this need so strong online? I would much rather have a discussion with family or friends on what's going on and specifically ask them, "How can I help you with what you're going through?" As for the masses online, with something I want to share I think, "Is it helpful? Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

As cliché as it may sound, maybe we could all agree that we all have a cup of misery or something that sets us apart from the norm and start using what free time we have to make the world for our children a better place. Out of all my parenting hardships, having a child die is by far the hardest. When my children are having a difficult day, I think about how I would much rather add to the chaos of having Noah right there in the middle of it than him dead. His death has encouraged me to check in on my priorities more frequently in order to continually put my life in perspective.

Putting things in perspective takes more time than a rant. How do we want our children seeing us use our time and living our lives?

 "As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours."
Joyce Maynard