Finding Thankfulness

November 20, 2015

 
All holidays are difficult after the death of a child. Your family will never be together again, and it is hard to accept this reality. With Thanksgiving coming up, I remember thinking the year that Noah died how could I ever feel as thankful as I once had? All I wanted was my family to be together and healthy. Of course I could find things that were going well, but compared to losing Noah and the fact that our family would never be whole again, nothing else mattered to me.

 
We really struggled finding ways to celebrate the holidays for our children since my husband and I felt like skipping them. I think more about people who are spending holidays in a less than ideal circumstance like families in the hospital or the poor so we find ways to try to give them comfort and support. Other non-traditional things we do are in place of the usual ham and turkey, we have Mexican or Chinese for dinner. We spend more time with just us or with people who have a way of picking us up and finding things to laugh about. Holidays can be a stressful time so we had to find ways to eliminate as much stress as possible and keep things simple.


Last year, I had a miscarriage the week before Thanksgiving. I felt so down and wondered why I had to experience another loss. Based on a friend's family tradition at the dinner table, we decided a year ago to adopt the following as well.

 
We recognize thankfulness every day. After prayers before dinner, we each say what we are thankful for that day. Most days it is just a small gesture, but I want my children to recognize thankfulness all year and when times are hard. Liam has said several times since we started this that he is thankful for being able to give donations or helping me with the pillowcases I make for pediatric oncology patients. I'm so proud of him that he has started to recognize others, and I hope his thoughtfulness continues to grow.


This is an excerpt from A Thanksgiving Thought (author unknown) that really touched me.

 
We can't be thankful for all things -

at least not with any degree of honesty or any sense of integrity.

Some things are simply too painful, sad, tragic for which to be thankful.

But we can be thankful for:

Thankful for those who stand beside us in difficult times.

Thankful for thoughts and feelings that lead us through dark hours.

Thankful for signs of hope in an otherwise bleak landscape.

Thankful for the strength to endure tough times, to be a survivor.

Thankful for the peace that comes when we are not at peace.

Thankful for a touch of humor to lighten our heavy load.

 
Holidays will probably never be as easy for us as it once had. Despite all the pain that has come from Noah's death, one thing I will always be thankful for are ALL my children. Knowing them and having the privilege to be their mommy is the greatest gift I have ever received.