August 18, 2016

This would seem like an easy question to answer. Many times I feel anxious meeting new people and anticipating the moment when that question is inevitably asked. Even after four years, I can still find myself hesitating for a second.

When you tell someone that one of your children has died, most times there is a look of shock and the person may freeze up. Their responses to what I say can be impulsive and sometimes awkward. I try not to take offense since I realize it is not an answer someone expects to hear. Before Noah died, I did not know anyone my age who had lost a child.

I belong to clubs that nobody wants to be part of such as infant/toddler loss, loss of twin/multiple and child loss through cancer. Being a member of these clubs does not make me more sad, but in a world where most parents will never have to bury their child, these groups help me feel a little more normal.

Everyone in these groups knows that at least one person in your family is missing. They may not know the exact situation you are going through, but they understand a heartache so indescribable that it stays with you forever. They understand how difficult it can be meeting new people and how relationships have changed. They understand that you will never be who you once were. Talking about Noah around them is easy because I don’t worry about unintentionally making anyone uncomfortable. 

I may have three children with me, but the answer to the question above is that I have four; three here, one in heaven. 

How Many Children Do you Have?