May 4, 2017​

My mother has asked the question above when discussing situations in which people have resorted to unnecessary ugliness.

There are respectful ways to disagree with someone. When we name call, curse, or have unkind comments, we give up our credibility. The Internet seems to be a place where people have no problem trashing others. Most people would not say these things in person. Even if you are having a “bad day” that does not justify abusive comments.

The day we found out Noah was going into hospice, my brother was getting gas when an older man looked at him and said, “Smile. It can’t be that bad.” I’m sure this man assumed his comment was well meaning. He would probably be horrified if he knew what my brother was going through at that time. Sadly, my brother will probably never forget that insensitive comment.

After Noah’s death, I have read and met people in completely unimaginable situations. I think about all the people I may pass by in a day, not knowing what they are carrying around inside. I know that I don’t look like one of my children has died. Most people assume that we are a family of five. I will always view us as a family of six. Just because Noah’s body has died, does not mean that he is no longer relevant or part of this family. What you see is not always the full story.

Before firing off a comment, I try to ask myself, is it necessary? What value will I be adding to this discussion or interaction? I think about how much better we would be in our communicating with others, be it online, strangers we pass by each day, our friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc. if kindness were in the forefront of our mind. It is ok to have a voice, but one with a little consideration and humility would be well received.