June 3, 2015

There are no words that can justly describe how the loss of a child feels. It’s too appalling for many to talk about. How can we begin to let someone know how we feel?

Because there are no words to describe the heartbreak of the death of a child, having someone acknowledge that it is the worst thing that can happen to you is all that needs to be said. Comparing any losses you’ve had next to that minimizes the parent’s loss and puts up a barrier. We come into this world expecting that the old die first. It’s our grandparents, parents then us. We should never have to bury a child. We love our children more than anyone else.

 
Every day you see me, I’m still broken. I can smile and laugh now, but everything has changed. How I look at life and what I see as important is different. My heart aches for my surviving twin and all that he has lost. I have moments of happiness, but they are mixed with the longing I have to share that happiness with Noah. There are so many dimensions to my grief.

 
As time passes, you do not “get over it” or “move on.” Those are poorly worded concepts that seem to disregard the loss. What happens is you get used to your new self. Your heart never completely heals. A small weight has been placed on it every day. Grief triggers are now to be an expected part of your life.

 
A friend sent me this quote that I believe is true.

 
“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” - Rose Kennedy

No Words